It’s ’s , and this year’s theme, ‘This is My Place’, aims to highlight and support the systems around children and young people to help them feel that they belong.
A strong sense of belonging not only helps children feel secure and valued in the moment, it also actively supports connection and resilience while protecting their wellbeing and mental health. Feeling seen, included and safe builds a child’s sense of self and their self-esteem, and it helps them weather setbacks and manage stress and big emotions. Belonging is part of the secure foundation from which our children grow, enjoy healthy relationships and thrive.
How can we create a strong sense of belonging in our families? Children of all ages crave consistency, predictability, structure, safety and connection, and all of these form part of a feeling that we belong – where children can know that ‘this is my place’.
The good news is that belonging isn’t built through big gestures or perfect moments. It is nurtured in those small consistent interactions – through what we notice, what we say and how we respond.
Here are five simple, evidence-based ways that you can strengthen your child’s sense of belonging, deepen your connection and help your family thrive.
1. Cultivate belonging through emotion coaching
When parents practise emotion coaching, their children feel understood and seen, and they learn that all feelings are OK and that they matter. Taking time to notice, name and accept emotions – even the big, difficult ones – helps children feel listened to rather than shamed or misunderstood. Children learn to accept and manage their feelings and to self-regulate.
When parents hold boundaries while validating the feelings that are often behind a child’s behaviour, their children understand that they can make mistakes or mess up – and that their behaviour may need correcting but that they are always accepted for who they are and loved.
Over time, this builds trust and emotional safety. They know that we will always be their safe harbour, which helps build confidence and resilience, as well as supporting their overall wellbeing.
Try these three simple steps:
- Stop what you are doing, notice and name your child’s feeling: ‘I’m wondering if you feel a bit overwhelmed?’ or ‘Wow, that’s hard and you look really frustrated!’
- Validate rather than dismiss, minimise or try to take away the child’s discomfort. Calmly hold the boundary while validating the feeling: ‘I completely understand. You have so much on and everything is important to you. That’s so tough.’ ‘I can see you had a really rough day and you’re cross. When you’ve picked up your bag, let’s have a hot chocolate and talk about it.’
- When they‘re calm, guide them to problem solving. Work together, helping them to learn and take ownership rather than trying to simply fix it for them: ‘What do you think might help right now? Let’s check back in later when we’re all calm. I’ll be here.’
Our children learn that every part of them belongs with us: the good feelings but the confused, messy or big feelings too. With us calmly leading the way, they learn to recognise their emotions, manage their behaviour appropriately and that they belong and can be themselves in ‘their place’.
2. Embrace belonging with family rituals
Whether it’s Friday pizza night, a favourite family film or holiday traditions that are passed down and repeated over and over, family rituals help create a deep sense of belonging. Shared experiences, no matter what form your unique family takes, help children feel that they are part of something greater than themselves. Embrace and cherish your family rituals and your children will follow your lead.
- Start with something you’re already doing and make it a little more intentional and consistent. Perhaps add a quick check-in to your bedtime routine, make the weekend smoothie happen every Saturday after rugby or suggest a game of Uno before supper on Monday, when you know you can make the time.
- Think of rituals that fit your unique family. Whether it’s a favourite game that gets rowdy or a quieter meal with candles, you’ll know what feels right for you. Simple and predictable is perfect. Children value predictability and presence over perfection. Getting in the habit of setting the table with napkins and lighting the candles sends the message that this time is valuable and important. Making pizza together can make an evening special, and going on your favourite family walk and talking in the fresh air can be meaningful and fun.
3. You belong just as you are: see it and say it with descriptive praise
What we notice and acknowledge reinforces for our children that they’re valued – and that they belong for who they are rather than for what they achieve. When we praise or acknowledge them for their effort, their values, their attitude and their contribution rather than for their performance or its outcome, we build their internal sense of self-worth. We reinforce a positive and resilient growth mindset while deepening our relationship.
When we look for and point out all the tiny things they get right rather than correcting, comparing or over-evaluating their behaviour, they hear that they are capable, unique and understood – and that we see them for who they are and that they belong right here.
Try these strategies, and with a little practice you’ll notice their attitude and behaviour improving and your relationship growing:
- Describe in detail what you see: ‘You kept going even though that felt hard.’
- Point out the value you see in action: ‘You stopped to make sure that your sister was OK. That was so kind. Thank you.’ ‘I can see you’re upset. You put in such a huge effort and that feels hard.’
- Acknowledge their contribution: ‘You put those things in the dishwasher before I even asked you. That’s a huge help.’
4. Remembering to repair after rupture reinforces belonging
Revisiting and repairing after tricky moments reminds children that they still belong even when things go awry. Done consistently, repairing after conflict or rupture builds children’s sense of safety, belonging and security. It’s also great modelling to show children that we all make mistakes, and that we take ownership and apologise and repair.
We can show how it’s done:
- Name and revisit what went wrong: ‘This morning was tricky for both of us.’
- Take responsibility where necessary: ‘I’m sorry that I shouted.
- ’Reinforce the learning and reassure. Children learn that when you mess up you repair, and that relationships and belonging survive conflict and mistakes: ‘I’m going to try hard to pause and breathe next time. I love you.’
- Don’t forget to practise your descriptive praise and point out when you see a repair in action: ‘That took courage to admit that you made a mistake. I really appreciate your honesty.’
5. Help your children contribute and feel included
We all develop a greater sense of belonging when we feel involved, useful and included. Asking for our children’s input, giving them age-appropriate family chores and having family meetings all help them feel respected, seen, competent and connected.
- Ask their opinions and involve them in decisions when it’s appropriate, such as weekend plans, special meal ideas, clothes choices or family games.
- Give them age-appropriate responsibilities, making sure you set them up for success by showing and teaching them what to do. The list of possibilities is endless, and teaching skills and competencies early boosts their confidence and self-esteem.
- Don’t forget to acknowledge their contribution: ‘Thanks for remembering to feed Alfie. He looks so happy!’ ‘It’s such a help to us all when you make your own packed lunch the night before. Don’t forget to add your ideas to the shopping list.’
Belonging grows in the everyday moments: in how we listen, how we respond, and how we come back together after things feel hard. When children feel seen, valued and accepted just as they are, they carry that sense of security with them into the world. They learn that home is a place where they are understood, where mistakes don’t define them and where they always have a secure base to which they can return. By nurturing belonging in our families, we give children the foundations to grow, connect and thrive, knowing with confidence: This is my place.